Hang On, Just One More Email


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How many times have you said “hang on, just one more email” as your beloved was waiting on you for something?

In my world, I never ever run out of email to respond to. Ever. If I have Inbox Zero (which is how I try to manage my email), all I need to do is sit for a few minutes and wait and another email will show up. If I’m waiting, I can go check Twitter, or Facebook, or even Google+. Of course, there are lots of Youtube videos to search, plenty of funny cat pictures all over the Internet, and – hang on, I just got another email – okay I’m back.

Now, put yourself in the shoes of your beloved. You’ve just told him or her “my email is more important than you.” Of course, that’s not what you meant to say, and you probably didn’t even think that, but it’s what they heard.

This sucks. But you have total control over it.

Over time, I’m learned that whenever Amy says “okay- I’m ready to go” that means that I should immediately stand up from my desk, close my laptop, and head to the door. She used to give me a five minute warning because it took me five minutes to mobilize. Now, since it’s immediate, there’s no warning. Every now and then it takes me 30 seconds to get moving and that’s perfectly comfortable because of my newfound urgency to beat her out the door.

She’s happy because she’s not waiting for me. I’m happy because she’s happy. And most importantly, I’m signaling to her that she’s more important than my email.

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  • http://twitter.com/DieselLaws Diesel Laws

    Brad, are we the same person? lol

    I get the 5-10 minute warning now, but the immediate action is definitely the way to go. “I will taketh your advice and changeth my ways” – thanks.

    D

  • Don Greenfield

    Thank you for doing this blog. Each post reminds me of the importance of putting the “relationship” first. Some eight years ago we relocated from the east coast to Colorado with a clean life canvas and decided to paint a new relationship picture – one that put everything else secondary to out commitment to each other. It has been so rewarding and I can recommend the benefits to anyone who makes that priority. Kudos to you two for having the courage to put your relationship beliefs and practices out there!

  • http://www.kineplay.com/ben Ben

    The five-minute warning hits home — actually it’s more like a 15-minute warning, and my wife even pads that a bit. I’ve been practicing this kind of bad behavior for practically all three years we’ve been married. Our startup is virtual right now and I’m also writing a fair amount of code these days. I have a much better shot at not keeping her waiting if I’m in manager-mode, but if I’m coding — in maker-mode — it’s ultra-tough. Tangles and hairballs that need to be fixed yesterday. Thousand-yard stare and all that. Just a few years ago she was an artist in the LA art scene, and she has plenty of projects going on even now, so she totally gets it. But I know that it makes her feel less important than my work. Thanks for this post, it’s a timely reminder.

  • http://twitter.com/peteskalla Peter Skalla

    This sounds way too familiar . . . now to decide whether to point my wife to this blog and be held to the ‘immediate’ standard when she says, “I’m ready”!

  • Corry

    Guys, thanks for doing this blog! I’ll definitely be in line for the book. I think this is one area that doesn’t get discussed much, even with your mentors/advisers. But really, if you think about it, your marriage is the biggest entrepreneurial activity of your life (your partner = your co-founder). What else will you (hopefully) spend the rest of your life building? :)

  • pescatello

    We have an issue of trying to figure out when the other person is ready to go. We often find that one person is emailing while the other is cleaning up and each is believing that they are waiting on the other. Without a “I’m ready now” notification it’s almost impossible – especially when distracted by the computer. I think i need to get a bell or something that signals one person is ready and then it’s all up to the other to get there with them. Or something like that. Or even better, i could just get off the computer.

  • http://twitter.com/sarahewelch Sarah E. Welch

    We’re both kind of bad about this at different times. My husband has been a little worse than me lately. The other night, I tweeted him a simple “Hi :) ”. He closed his laptop immediately.

  • http://twitter.com/eatomaniac Akhila

    :) I think working out a way to communicate urgency (without getting upset) is a definite growing moment in the life of a couple!

  • Justin Sharpe

    I’m excited to see/be part of a discussion that embodies the struggle of so many, and a struggle that personally hits homes.

    After reading everyone’s comments, it seams the best thing to do is have an open communication stream specifically geared towards finding what works for both partners.

    Not every couple is the same, but the desire to feel you’re of paramount importance to the other, over all else, seems to be a sentiment felt by all. Wise to acknowledge that.