Feb 7 2013 by

Startup Life: Advice Column

Q:  Dear Amy:

    In Startup Life:  Surviving and Thriving in a Relationship with an Entrepreneur, you talk about scheduled communication on a daily (Four Minutes in the Morning), monthly (Life Dinner), and quarterly (QX Off the Grid) basis.  All that scheduled time doesn’t sound very romantic.  Where’s the romance?

A:  The most important point about having regularly scheduled together time is that scheduled romance in no way precludes spontaneous romance.  If your days are full of unexpected bouquet deliveries and sleeping in late on Tuesdays after long bouts of lovemaking, maybe you don’t need the commitment of time set aside just for the two of you to connect.  However, I suspect that if you measure the rate of spontenous romance events, you will likely find that you may not having much spontaneous romance anyway in the startup phase of your entreprenurial endeavors.  Having calendar appointments gives you something to look forward to during times when your entreprenurial partner is completely occupied by work.

The other really important point about romance is the very definition of the term.  What’s romantic anyway?  This is an important and ongoing conversation to have with your partner.  It can be an exciting and intimate journey to test what works for each of you over time.  Brad and I don’t find much romance in the images created by television commercials by diamond companies, but find romance in the daily moments we share together.  Different couples have different ideas about what constitutes romance for them.  I personally love the intimacy of the morning and evening routines in the bathroom, brushing and flossing and washing, but we have friends who use separate bathrooms to keep the mystery alive.  Figuring out together what feels romantic to you.

Dear Readers:  What feels romantic to you?  Do you find that having a regular date night increases or decreases other spontaneous expressions of romance?  And I’m taking other Advice Column questions that lots of people seem to share.  Ask away!

This post originally appeared on Thoughts in Random Patterns by Amy Batchelor